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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27717521">Laurie Odell and Andrew Raynes Meet Again</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/auspicious_dragon/pseuds/auspicious_dragon'>auspicious_dragon</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Charioteer - Mary Renault</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Gay Male Character, M/M, Romance, World War II</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 16:10:06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,994</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27717521</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/auspicious_dragon/pseuds/auspicious_dragon</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Several years after the relationship between Laurie Odell and Andrew Raynes abruptly ends, Laurie reaches out to Andrew.  They have the conversation they should have had years ago.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Laurie Odell/Andrew Raynes, Ralph Lanyon/Laurie Odell</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Laurie Writes to Andrew</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Several years had passed since Laurie had abruptly absconded from hospital, desperate to see Andrew, only to leave without seeing him after speaking to Dave. Somehow Dave had convinced Laurie to forgo seeing Andrew. Ever since that day Laurie frequently second-guessed that decision. Should he have allowed Dave to influence him like that? Laurie had handed his battle-stained copy of The Phaedrus of Plato to Dave. He trusted that Dave had given the book to Andrew with Laurie’s love, even though Dave had called it “exalted paganism.”</p><p>Laurie thought about Andrew every day. He occasionally talked to Ralph about Andrew, but he kept a lot to himself. He didn’t tell Ralph how often he thought about Andrew, and how much it troubled him that he didn’t have the opportunity to explain things to Andrew or even say goodbye in person. It was unfinished business that haunted Laurie daily.</p><p>Laurie and Ralph were sharing a flat in the Islington borough of London. They were compatible lovers as well as best friends. Openly affectionate, each man felt both a genuine fondness and a deep love for the other. And yet the specter of Andrew had continued to haunt their relationship through the years. Ralph sensed that Laurie was holding back whenever he brought Andrew up in conversation. He could tell that Laurie was feeling conflicted and disclosing only a small portion of his thoughts and feelings. Ralph was tempted at times to confront Laurie about this, but part of him really did not want to know the truth. He was afraid to disrupt the status quo, afraid to threaten the contentment their relationship provided.</p><p>The situation changed one morning when Laurie was reading the newspaper. Browsing through the obituary section of the paper, an item caught his eye:</p><p>
  <em>David Sherwood, age 64, died suddenly of a heart attack at his London home on July 12, 1944. A member of the Society of Friends who did ambulance work during the Great War, Mr. Sherwood contributed to the World War II effort by working in hospitals and on ambulance brigades. He is preceded in death by his wife Cynthia. A service of remembrance will be held at 11 a.m. on Saturday, July 15, 1944 at the Friends House in Central London. Condolences may be sent to Mr. Andrew Raynes, courtesy of the Friends House, 173 Euston Road, London. </em>
</p><p>Laurie stared at the newspaper for a few seconds, then let out the breath he was holding. He thought of how Andrew must be feeling now, losing Dave who had been a father figure to him for so many years. He felt intense compassion for Andrew and a strong desire to comfort him, in spite of how long it had been since they last saw each other. Laurie also thought about Dave whose values and beliefs he admired, even if he did not completely share them. Dave who, even in his 60s, had been doing dangerous ambulance work in the worst bombed out areas of London. Dave who had a hand in Andrew becoming the remarkable young man Laurie fell in love with.</p><p>Laurie was compelled to write a condolence letter to Andrew right away. Grabbing pen and paper, he wrote:</p><p>
  <em>Laurie Odell </em>
</p><p>
  <em>54 Islington Park Street</em>
</p><p>
  <em> London </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Dear Andrew, </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I just came across Dave Sherwood’s obituary in the Daily Express and was deeply saddened to learn about his passing. I am so sorry for your loss. I admired Dave greatly, having a great appreciation for his dedication to the war effort in recent years, as well as for the critically important work he did during the Great War. He was a principled and honorable man of many parts. I know how important he was to you and what a close relationship you and he shared. Please accept my most sincere condolences. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sincerely,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Laurie Odell </em>
</p><p>Laurie put the letter in an envelope, which he addressed to Andrew, courtesy of the Friends House. He briefly considered mailing the letter, but then decided instead to travel to the Friends House that afternoon and deliver it in person. He contemplated attending the remembrance service on Saturday and also wondered whether he should say anything to Ralph.  He felt ambivalent, both about attending the service and talking to Ralph.  He figured he needed to reflect more about his options.   </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. At Dave's Remembrance Service</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Laurie attends Dave's remembrance service.  Laurie and Andrew meet again for the first time in years.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Laurie made his way to central London and arrived at the Friends House.  He was greeted warmly by an attractive young woman.  He handed her the envelope containing the condolence letter to Andrew.  </p><p>“Thank you kindly, sir,” the young woman said.  “I’ll make sure that Mr. Raynes receives your letter. He will be speaking at the remembrance service on Saturday, so perhaps you will be able to attend?”</p><p>“Perhaps,” Laurie replied with a smile. “I will make an effort to be there.”</p><p>At home that evening Laurie decided to tell Ralph about Dave Sherwood’s passing.  He informed Ralph that he had delivered a condolence letter to Andrew and that he was planning to attend the remembrance service.  </p><p>Ralph seemed to receive the information with equanimity, but he did not feel as composed as he appeared.  He had always prided himself on his ability to remain calm in a crisis.  It was one of the many strengths that had contributed to his distinguished naval career.  </p><p>Ralph was no fool.  He was quite aware that Laurie harbored an idealized image of Andrew, not so very different from his idealized image of Ralph when they were at school.   Ralph knew that Laurie loved him, but he recognized that he was no longer the dashing hero of Laurie’s youthful fantasies. And he worried that Laurie’s romantic illusions about the handsome conscientious objector he had loved and lost might endanger their relationship, which was most certainly steady and solid, but perhaps no longer very exciting.  </p><p>Ralph’s pride did not allow him to express any of his concerns to Laurie.  It was important to him to always appear unflappable, to behave courageously in all circumstances, including matters of the heart. So he simply said to Laurie, “It was kind of you to write the condolence letter, and I expect that seeing you again will be a very pleasant surprise for Andrew, even in these sad circumstances.”</p><p>Having lived with the former naval captain for a few years, Laurie suspected that Ralph was more troubled by Laurie’s announcement than he let on.  And yet Ralph’s self-control was a comfort to him.  He was accustomed to Ralph maintaining a tight rein on his emotions.  This relieved Laurie’s concern that he and Ralph might have a row, but it did not mitigate his fear of causing Ralph emotional pain. </p><p>On Saturday morning Laurie traveled again to the Friends House in central London.  A feeling of anxious anticipation suffused his body as he approached the building.  He looked at his watch several times—he worried about arriving too early and having an awkward encounter with Andrew before the service.  He was briefly tempted to turn around and go home, but the temptation passed quickly.  Steeling himself, Laurie entered the front door.  He saw several people in black attire and followed them into a large meeting room.  </p><p>The young woman who had accepted his condolence letter earlier in the week stood at the entrance to the room.  She smiled warmly at Laurie and said, “It’s good to see you again, sir. Thank you for coming to the service. May I ask you to sign the guest book, please?”</p><p>Laurie gave her a friendly nod and said, “Happy to.” He picked up the pen and signed his name.<br/>
The young woman then said, “Please be seated wherever you’d like.  The service should begin shortly.” </p><p>“Thank you,” Laurie replied.  He then entered a pew towards the rear of the meeting room.  He sat for a few moments in contemplation, looking around the room.</p><p>His breath caught when Andrew entered the room.  Immediately he was struck by his resemblance to Ralph.  Wearing a form-fitting black suit, Andrew stood with his back straight, reminding Laurie of how Ralph would adopt a posture of command in his naval uniform.  Laurie observed the similarities between the two men he loved—they shared the same coloring, bone structure, and build.</p><p>Andrew strode toward the front of the meeting room and began speaking.  “Welcome and thank you for coming to this service to remember and honor our dear friend, David Sherwood.”  Hearing Andrew’s voice again after so many years awakened a feeling of warmth in Laurie.  His eyes remained riveted on Andrew, drinking in the sight of him and hanging on every word he uttered. </p><p>Andrew spoke from the heart about his love for Dave, his voice breaking slightly from time to time.  His words about Dave’s character were eloquent—he noted Dave’s commitment to non-violence, his deep, abiding faith in God, and his capacity to love.  Andrew described the essential role that Dave had played in his life, how he had supported and guided Andrew into manhood with wisdom, kindness, and grace.  At one point, Laurie thought he saw Andrew’s eyes widen as they reached him, but Andrew didn’t miss a beat, continuing to speak with polish to the assembly.  When he came to the end of his speech, Andrew invited others to speak and then took a seat in a nearby pew. </p><p>Other mourners then took turns to speak, standing and sharing their memories of Dave, his role in their lives, and their appreciation for his loving spirit and for his life’s work.  Laurie was moved by all the testimonies of love and affection for Dave, struck by his enormous influence on many lives.  </p><p>After the last testimony, Andrew stood up and thanked the assembly for coming to the service.  He explained that meetings of Friends traditionally end with handshakes.  He then shook hands with several nearby individuals, inviting all attendees to do likewise.  He said that all were welcome to stay as long as they wished to enjoy companionship and conversation. </p><p>Laurie shook hands with a few people sitting in the same pew.  He kept an eye on Andrew, concerned that they might not get the chance to talk.  He needn’t have worried.  After having a few brief conversations with well-wishers, Andrew headed directly to Laurie’s pew.  Laurie stood up to greet him.  Before speaking a word, the two men grasped each other in a tight embrace.  Words came only after they had stepped apart. </p><p>“Laurie,” Andrew whispered. “Thank you for your kind condolence letter and for coming today.  It means so much to me.  It’s overwhelming to see you again.”</p><p>“Andrew,” Laurie replied, looking at the other man with tears in his eyes. “I am so sorry for your loss. Dave was a man of many parts."  Andrew nodded and looked at Laurie with affection. </p><p>“You were brilliant,” Laurie continued.  “Dave would be so touched by your words and so proud of you.”  He took a deep breath and added, "I have missed you so much. I didn’t realize how much until now."</p><p>“Thank you,” Andrew said, blushing.  A wave of memories inundated him—thoughts, feelings, images from their time together in hospital. </p><p>Eventually he found his voice.  “Are you free this afternoon, Laurie?” he asked. “I have a few people I need to see, and a few details to attend to, but it shouldn’t take more than a half hour.  If you can wait, we could go find a place for lunch?”</p><p>Laurie felt intensely happy then. “Yes, by all means,” he said. “Go attend to your business, and I will wait for you here.”  </p><p>Andrew then wrapped his arms around Laurie, who returned the hug.  “I won’t be long,” he said.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Lunch Conversation</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>After Dave's remembrance service, Laurie and Andrew lunch at a pub and talk about the past.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>True to his word, within a half hour Andrew returned to the pew where Laurie was waiting for him.</p><p>“There’s a pub nearby that serves a decent lunch,” Andrew said.  “Shall we walk there?” Noticing for the first time the cane that Laurie was holding with his right hand, Andrew added, “It’s a two or three block walk from here.  Will you be able to manage that?”</p><p>Laurie smiled, recalling how considerate Andrew always was.  “Yes, I can manage,” he said.</p><p>As they made their way to the pub, Andrew asked, “Are you having any pain?  You appear to be walking with ease but do let me know if you need to rest.”</p><p>Laurie replied with a smile, “No, this is an easy walk for me.  Since hospital I have had quite a bit of physical therapy, which has greatly increased my mobility.   Recently I was also fitted for a new boot which is significantly more comfortable than the last one.”  Gesturing to his cane, he added with a chuckle, “I still carry this of course.   Although it does come in handy at times, now it’s more of a smart accessory than a physical necessity.”</p><p>Andrew laughed easily.  “Sounds like a vast improvement since I last saw you.  That makes me happy.”</p><p>They soon arrived at the pub.  Andrew pulled the door open and gestured for Laurie to enter first.  There were only a few customers in the establishment.  Laurie and Andrew made their way to a table in a secluded corner, which looked ideal for a private conversation. </p><p>Over meat pies and pints, they began sharing information about their lives since their time together in hospital.  Laurie told Andrew about his studies. Shortly after his discharge from hospital Laurie had begun reading Modern History at Oxford and aspired to an academic career.  So far things were going well in that regard. </p><p>Andrew talked about his work with the Society of Friends.  In recent years he had become quite involved in the Friends' peace movement.  He spoke about his deep commitment to challenging militarism and promoting peace education.  Andrew acknowledged that this was particularly difficult work during wartime, and he gave several examples of the hostility he had encountered while engaged in peace movement activities.  Andrew told Laurie that the hostile responses he had experienced did not discourage him, but rather made him more determined. </p><p>Laurie could not help but be impressed by Andrew’s conviction and commitment, even as he imagined how Ralph would react.  He pictured Ralph rolling his eyes and making a patronizing comment about Andrew’s youth and naivete.  If he were to have a debate with Ralph, Laurie would argue that Andrew was anything but naive.  Laurie would admit that Andrew was a few years younger than Ralph and obviously idealistic.  But he also had a stronger moral compass, greater clarity about his own values and convictions, and more courage than almost everyone Laurie knew—Ralph being the one clear exception.  Laurie recognized in that moment how similar Andrew’s and Ralph’s natures were, in spite of being on opposite ends of the political continuum. </p><p>Before long the conversation became more personal and the two men ventured into the sensitive topic of their shared history.  It began with Andrew’s seemingly innocuous statement, “Laurie, I saw on your letter that you now reside in Islington.  Are you living alone?” </p><p>Laurie froze for a moment, wavering between telling the truth or lying, knowing that this was the beginning of a difficult conversation.  He decided to tell a half-truth, “I’m sharing a flat with my old school friend, Ralph Lanyon.” </p><p>It was Andrew’s turn to freeze.  With a tight expression he said, “The man who came to see me at hospital years ago.  The man I hit.”</p><p>Looking directly into Andrew’s eyes, Laurie said, “That wasn’t Ralph.  That vile man was impersonating Ralph.”</p><p>“I don’t understand,” Andrew replied with a puzzled frown.</p><p>Laurie sighed. “It’s a long story,” he said, “and not an easy one to tell.”</p><p>“I want to hear it,” Andrew said with determination.</p><p>Laurie steeled himself.  Although a part of him wanted desperately to avoid this conversation, he realized that was no longer a possibility.  And he was unsure where and how to begin.  Then taking a deep breath, he said, “I am what people call ‘queer,’ but I expect that you know that by now.”</p><p>Andrew nodded slowly, his expression unreadable, and said, “Yes, go on.”</p><p>Laurie took another deep breath and continued, “To say I was fond of you when we were at EMS hospital is an understatement.  But I knew it would be very wrong to act on my feelings. I could never, I would never do anything to harm you.”</p><p>Andrew continued looking intently at Laurie, unable to utter a word.  Tears welled up in his eyes.  He nodded at Laurie, encouraging him to continue.</p><p>“You will recall,” Laurie said, “that while at EMS hospital I ran into my old schoolmate Ralph Lanyon by chance.  We started keeping company whenever I was on leave from hospital.  Without my knowledge Ralph arranged for me to transfer from EMS hospital to the hospital in Bridstow.  He thought I would welcome the transfer; however, I reacted not with the pleasure and gratitude he was expecting, but with obvious emotional distress.  I then had to confide in Ralph about my feelings for you.”</p><p>“Oh!” Andrew exclaimed, his eyes wide. “But he was not the man who came to see me at EMS hospital?”</p><p>“No, he wasn’t,” Laurie said, adding, “so now the story grows more complicated.  Ralph had been keeping company with the horrid man you met.  That tosser goes by the absurd name ‘Bunny.’  I never knew his Christian name.  Bunny and I took an instant dislike towards each other.  He became very jealous of the friendship that Ralph and I shared.  His visit to you was an attempt to destroy that friendship and to hurt me.” </p><p>Andrew shook his head in astonishment, then asked, “But how did this Bunny even know who I was?”</p><p>Laurie flushed in embarrassment. After a few beats he said, “As I mentioned, I had confided my feelings about you to Ralph, who, unbeknownst to me, wrote about our conversations in his private diary.  Although Ralph kept his diary under lock and key, it turns out that Bunny broke into Ralph’s trunk and read his diary.”</p><p>Laurie took a few seconds to reflect, then said softly, “Ralph would never have acted or spoken to you in that manner.  However, when I received your letter telling me about the encounter, I naturally assumed that it was Ralph who confronted you at the EMS hospital.”</p><p>Andrew’s brows furrowed in puzzlement.  He asked, “How did you discover that it was Bunny and not Ralph?”</p><p>“I didn’t find out until later,” Laurie said. “After receiving your letter, Ralph and I had a huge row.  I was furious and swore at him.  He denied ever seeing you, and I of course refused to believe him.  At one point in our heated argument, Ralph seemed to simply give up and accept defeat.  He took his leave then, wishing me well.  I now know that in that moment Ralph realized that Bunny had impersonated him.  Several hours later a close friend of Ralph told me that the man you hit was Bunny, not Ralph.”</p><p>Andrew was astonished at Laurie’s words.  He remained silent for a while before asking, “Why didn’t you say anything to me about all this before now?”</p><p>“Believe me,” Laurie said, “I was sorely tempted to.  Right after receiving your letter and having the row with Ralph, I rushed from Bridstow to London to see you.” </p><p>A look of recognition dawned in Andrew’s eyes.  “Yes, you gave The Phaedrus of Plato to Dave,” he said slowly, “and the next day he gave it to me with your love.”  He had a look of intense concentration then, as if trying to solve a puzzle.  “But after you came all that way from Bridstow, why didn’t we see each other? Why didn’t we talk then?”</p><p>Laurie met Andrew’s gaze bravely and said, “I have asked myself that question repeatedly since that day.  When I arrived at your residence, Dave and I talked.  Our conversation somehow led me to conclude me that it was best not to see you.  In the moment it seemed like the right choice, but later I kept thinking it might have been the wrong choice.”</p><p>“Why did it seem like the right choice at the time?” Andrew asked. “That’s hard for me to understand.”</p><p>Laurie pondered the question for a few minutes, while Andrew looked at him expectantly.  Eventually Laurie said, “I couldn’t tell you it wasn’t true—the relationship between Ralph and me, I mean.  Truth be told, I felt ashamed of the seamy aspects of queer life, which had already touched you and caused you pain.  I didn’t want to harm you any further.”</p><p>Andrew’s slow nod conveyed understanding, which prompted Laurie to continue.  “I suppose that I saw you as innocent, pure, unsullied.  I couldn’t abide being responsible for corrupting you in any way.  And I felt that I had already crossed a moral boundary—if not for me, you would never have encountered the vile creature I initially believed to be Ralph.”</p><p>Regarding Laurie with a kind expression, Andrew said, “Thank you, Laurie.  I know now that you had my best interests at heart.  That said, I think I would have been able to hear the truth back then, difficult as it would have been to accept.  It would have been less painful.”</p><p>Laurie gave Andrew an inquisitive look, which encouraged him to continue.  “It hurt so much to think that I would never see or hear from you again, to have our friendship so abruptly severed, and to have only The Phaedrus of Plato as a souvenir of our friendship.”</p><p>“I’m so sorry,” Laurie said, looking down.  He had been so focused on his own emotional pain at the time, that he hadn’t considered how much distress Andrew might have been experiencing.  </p><p>Andrew smiled again and nodded to recognize the apology.  He continued, “People have always exhibited a tendency to protect me.  Perhaps because I lost my parents at an early age.  It comes as no surprise that Dave convinced you not to see me and both of you thought that was for my own good.  But I have never been a delicate flower that needs protection from the elements.  Quite the opposite, I like to think.”</p><p>Laurie smiled and said, “I remember you telling me something similar in EMS hospital.  I’m sorry, Andrew.  I know you are strong and brave and able to handle whatever comes your way.  I promise not to keep things from you in future.”</p><p>As soon as he said those words, Laurie realized they implied that he and Andrew would continue to see each other after this lunch conversation.  He decided to act on his promise of honesty by saying, “I would like very much to renew our friendship.  Are you willing?” </p><p>Andrew gave Laurie a bright smile, “Yes, indeed.  It feels so right to have you back in my life, Laurie.”</p><p>“We have spent considerable time today clearing up the past,” Laurie reflected.  “Perhaps more clarification is needed, but I’m feeling rather exhausted now.  Shall we meet again soon to talk some more?  Maybe next time we can spend more time on the present and future than on the past.”</p><p>“I’d like that,” Andrew said. “I need time to reflect on everything you shared with me today.  And I’d like to talk to you again after I’ve had that time to reflect.”</p><p>They agreed to try to see each other again within a fortnight.  Andrew gave Laurie the address of his London flat.  They also exchanged numbers where each could be reached by telephone.  After leaving the pub, they embraced and bid each other farewell, and then went on their separate ways.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Laurie Tells Ralph about His Meeting with Andrew</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Laurie returns home after Dave's remembrance service.  He tells Ralph about the service and his lunch with Andrew.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ralph was anxious to hear what had transpired at and after the remembrance ceremony, but he waited patiently until Laurie was ready to talk about it.  Ralph was sufficiently self-aware to realize that he was uncomfortable with Laurie seeing the conscientious objector again.  He knew that Laurie had been in love with Andrew.  With not a little discomfort he recalled that day years ago when Laurie received Andrew’s letter.  A huge row had ensued, after which Ralph was filled with rage and despair.  Rage against Bunny, who he knew had interfered in Laurie’s life, and despair because he believed that Laurie was gone from his life forever.  His despair at the time was so intense that he had started preparing to commit suicide.</p><p>If he were honest with himself, Ralph would admit that he was scared of losing Laurie.  The past few years had been the happiest of his life in spite of losing half his hand and being forced to retire from the royal navy.  And Laurie was largely responsible for Ralph’s happiness.  Before Laurie came back into his life, Ralph had lost himself.  Yes, he was a high-ranking naval officer and his contribution to the war effort provided a certain amount of satisfaction, but his personal life was in shambles.  Desperate for love and affection, he had become entangled in a series of increasingly unrewarding liaisons with other men.  </p><p>Ralph had sunk to the lowest and most desperate point in his life when he got involved with Bunny.  Whenever his thoughts turned to that period, a powerful sense of shame and regret washed over him. But then miraculously Laurie had appeared at Sandy’s birthday party, and the world suddenly looked brighter. Ralph had started to feel like his old self again, with renewed purpose, determination, and optimism.  Now he worried that Laurie’s renewed friendship with Andrew would pose a serious threat to his happiness.</p><p>When Laurie returned home after Dave’s remembrance service, Ralph immediately noticed his lover’s luminous, exuberant expression and a wave of anxiety crashed over him.  He quickly repressed it and, trying to sound neutral, said, “Hello, my dear, how has your day been?”  The two men settled comfortably on a sofa in their parlor. </p><p>Ralph was relieved when Laurie began speaking about his visit to the Friends House.  Laurie described the service to Ralph, saying that Andrew gave an eloquent and heartfelt speech, after which quite a few other friends gave poignant testimonies about Dave’s impact on their lives.  He told Ralph about the Friends’ custom of exchanging handshakes after the service.</p><p>“I suppose you got to convey your condolences to Andrew in person then?” Ralph asked.</p><p>“Yes,” Laurie replied. “He greeted me after the service and thanked me for my letter and for attending the service.  Later we went to a pub for some lunch.”</p><p>“So you had an opportunity to renew your acquaintance,” Ralph said, feigning nonchalance. </p><p>Laurie decided to speak truthfully then.  “Yes, we spent a little time talking about what each of us has been up to lately, but mostly we talked about the past.  I clarified some things for him.”</p><p>“Oh?” Ralph said, desperate to know more.</p><p>“I told him that the person he hit was Bunny and not you,” Laurie said bluntly.</p><p>“What else did you tell him?” Ralph asked warily.</p><p>Laurie took a deep breath before replying. “Pretty much everything,” he said.  “That I’m queer, which he already knew, that I had feelings for him when we were at EMS hospital, that I had told you about him and you had written about it in your diary.”</p><p>“What else?” Ralph asked, desperate to know everything.</p><p>“I told him about you and Bunny,” Laurie replied, “and how Bunny had gotten into your diary.  How Bunny and I disliked each other, and how Bunny tried to hurt me and damage my friendship with you by confronting Andrew at EMS hospital.”</p><p>“Go on,” Ralph demanded when Laurie paused. </p><p>“I told Andrew about our row after I received his letter,” Laurie said, “and how I rushed to London to see him.”</p><p>“I never knew about that,” Ralph said, feeling hurt. “You never told me,” he murmured.  Laurie couldn’t tell if it was a simple statement of fact or an accusation.  Maybe both.</p><p>“No, I didn’t tell you,” Laurie admitted.  “It turns out that I didn’t see Andrew that day anyway.  I talked to Dave and decided it would be best not to see him.  I left The Phaedrus of Plato with Dave to give to Andrew—the book you had given me years ago.”</p><p>Ralph’s eyes widened as he reflected on the implications of this. “So what happens next?” he asked. “Between you and Andrew, I mean.”</p><p>Laurie felt himself tense up, then replied, “We agreed to renew our friendship and to see each other within a fortnight.  I think we were both happy to see each other again.”</p><p>Ralph nodded slowly, then asked, “Does he know about us?”</p><p>Laurie noticed that the tension in his shoulders had increased.   He replied, “I told him that we were sharing a flat.  I wasn’t explicit about the nature of our relationship.”</p><p>“I see,” Ralph said with a slight frown.  He decided then to ask the question that had been on his mind since the beginning of the conversation.  “Do I have anything to worry about?”</p><p>Laurie’s immediate inclination was to protect Ralph.  Almost too quickly, he said, “Of course not! Before today Andrew and I hadn’t seen each other in years.  We are just getting to know each other again.”</p><p>Ralph tilted his head in deliberation.  He decided to make his wishes known. “Please let me know if anything changes in that regard,” he said.  “It would be reassuring to me if Andrew were to know the true nature of our relationship, Laurie.  I might also feel less uneasy if at some point I were to meet him. But I will leave that up to you.”</p><p>Laurie swallowed in a dry throat, realizing that it had been very difficult for Ralph to express vulnerability and ask for what he wanted.  “Of course, my dear,” he said.  Feeling a strong desire to comfort Ralph, Laurie leaned over and gave his lover a passionate kiss.  “Never doubt that I love you,” he said.</p>
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